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I feel creatively blocked today, but I’m deciding to show up anyway. I heard a quote once that said '“when you don’t know what to write, write what is true.” So here I am, writing what is true, and what is true is that I’m afraid to show up imperfectly. Maybe this belief was solidified through certain experiences in my childhood, or maybe it’s just an inherent aspect of myself, an innate personality trait I was always predisposition to develop.
The fear of imperfection has held me back many times throughout my life, particularly during the years I was unconscious to it. But now, I’ve gained conscious awareness that these feelings reside here. I know they’ll surface when I’m required to accomplish a task, put myself out there, or share my work with the world.
This awareness doesn’t stop the fear from being here, but it allows me to create a little separation from it. I’m prepared for the voice in my head to judge my work, tell me I’m not good enough, demand more, and I can become the observer of this voice instead of loosing myself within the words. I can hear the thoughts, and remember they aren’t necessarily true. I can feel the desire for perfection, and decide to show up imperfectly, anyway.
When I look back on my life, the things I’m most proud of seem to have always come from making a decision that wasn’t perfect, putting myself out there before I was ready, and sharing my imperfect self, ideas, creations, and work with the world. My mind tells me that only perfect things will succeed, and yet, doing it imperfectly has brought all the best gifts into my life. Again and again and again.
How does one create a definition for what is considered truly perfect? And how can we create something that’s perfect, that fits this definition, without first creating many imperfect things over and over again?
I think the desire to show up perfectly is a natural human tendency. I think we all doubt our abilities, fear failure, and become our own worst critic from time to time. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to silence this voice entirely, because I know this voice is just trying to keep me safe — from failure, from judgement, from the vulnerability that comes when I show up imperfectly. What I can do is choose to hold space for this voice, sending her love and comfort and compassion, and then choose to do it imperfectly, anyway. Again and again and again.
I’m choosing to share my writing with the world, even when it feels far from perfect. I’m choosing to do the thing, make the decision, hit publish, press send, say yes, all before I deem myself, my actions, and my work to be perfect. All before I feel ready, because if I hold myself to the perfect standards in my head, I’ll never be ready. I’ll never do the thing, share my work with the world, or say yes to others, and I’ll never experience the incredible goodness that comes from doing it imperfectly. I’ll never touch the freedom that comes from allowing myself to be imperfect. I don’t think any of us would, because I’m not so sure anyone ever feels ready, ever feels like their self or their ideas or their creations are perfect, before they share them with the world. Perhaps, those who succeed simply choose to show up imperfectly, again and again and again.
May we have the strength to do it imperfectly.
May we have the courage to do it imperfectly.
May we have the trust to do it imperfectly.
May we do it all, imperfectly.
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