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I’ve lost over 500 followers on Instagram since I stopped posting regularly last September. Watching the number go down obviously doesn’t feel good — I’m human, after all — but simultaneously, in my heart, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. The decision to step away from Instagram was one of the best things I ever did, but also, one of the most challenging, painful, shameful, embarrassing. A decision that didn’t necessarily make sense to the outer world, but one that was vital for the well-being of my inner world. A decision that goes against everything my ego, society, and hustle culture tells us to do, but one that was never truer for my soul, my internal peace, my authentic self.
People say ‘follow your heart’, but what if following your heart doesn’t always look like the heroic journey that’s expected of us? What if following your heart isn’t just leaving a horrible job to pursue what you love, or moving from your home town to an exciting new place, or making a decision that adds to your life, but also letting go, saying no, and choosing to leave behind things that are going well, things that are successful, things that are desired by society, but no longer desired by us?
Logically, there was no reason for me to quit my pursuit of being a wellness blogger. My account was steadily growing, my community incredibly engaged, and I was landing well-paying partnerships with some of the brands I had always wanted to work with. I was living out the vision the previous version of myself had always dreamed of. It’s easy to fantasize about something in the future, seeing the things we want but do not yet have through a rose-coloured lens. But there I was, living out my previous dreams, yet the unhappiest, unhealthiest, and most unaligned I’d potentially ever been.
I felt so scattered, distracted, and disconnected from my real life; waking up each day overcome by anxiety from the running to-do list in my mind. My time was consumed with numbers and statistics, my self-worth tied heavily to the likes, comments, and engagement I received each time I posted. My days were highjacked by an obsession to capture content, caring more about how things looked than how they actually felt. I couldn’t eat a normal meal without taking a picture, or leave the house without bringing my phone — just in case something aesthetic needed to be captured.
In my mind, I pretended like nothing was wrong. I justified this behaviour as a ‘necessary’ part of growing a successful business. I sacrificed my current joy, and the peace that was always available to me, in the hope of gaining more joy and peace later. “I’ll be happy when… I have this many followers, this many brand deals, this much engagement (fill in the blank for yourself). But of course, those numbers were always changing, the alluded happiness continuing the grow farther and farther away.
After many months of internal struggle, I woke up one morning, looked at myself with honesty into the mirror, and admitted for the first time that this career no longer felt right. What started out as a passionate hobby had shifted into my biggest source of anxiety, stress, and unhappiness. When I finally admitted this truth out loud, said the hard thing, came to terms with my emotions, the flood gates burst open. I could no longer deny how I was feeling, nor continue forcefully down the wrong path.
By accepting how I really felt, I was able to move forward with my well-being as my upmost priority. I granted myself permission to follow what feels right.
Following what feels right, in a world that so often determines what is right for us, is an incredibly brave thing to do — especially when what feels right looks like the wrong choice to others. And yet, and yet… the only thing harder than choosing to walk our own path, is staying on a path that was never meant for us in the first place. The only thing more challenging than following what feels right, is continuing to follow something that feels wrong for fear of judgement, disappointment, or letting others down.
It takes great courage to listen to your heart, connect with your inner most longings, and choose to follow your internal compass. It takes great strength to honour your emotions, honour your truth, and honour what feels right for you. But also, it’s one of the most rewarding, deeply fulfilling, and important things we can do. And I truly believe it’s worth the initial bumps and let downs and any sort of hardships we face encounter along the way. In the end, it’s worth it.
I’ve lost a lot of followers online, but in my real life, things have never felt more full. The time that went towards maintaining a consistent Instagram presence now goes towards maintaining real life presence — with other people, with my surroundings, with new experiences, and within myself most of all. I’ve detached from my online platform, realizing those numbers really have nothing to do with me at all. My creativity has come back full force, along with my joy, contentment, and inner peace. All because I decided to follow what feels right for me.
Following your heart can mean doing the thing everyone expects you to do, if this thing simultaneously feels right for you. But it can also mean letting go, saying no, and quitting something that’s going well on the surface, but no longer feels right inside. The heroic journey doesn’t have to look any particular way, so long as it’s the way that’s right for you.
Let us have the wisdom to follow what feels right.
Let us have the guidance to follow what feels right.
Let us have the courage to follow what feels right.
Let us have the strength to follow what feels right.
Let us have the support to follow what feels right.
From my heart to yours, thank you for reading Hannah’s Haus. If you feel connected to my work, please let me know by tapping the heart to like the post, commenting with your thoughts below, and sharing this post with someone else who might enjoy it.
This is so refreshing, thank you!
This is so refreshing, I appreciate it!