Purpose.
It’s potentially one of the most popular, trendy words in 2022 - especially in the self-development world. There are courses, books, and gurus everywhere you look, claiming their teachings are the answer to helping you find your soul purpose in life. It’s a big claim, to an even bigger question that we likely all find ourselves asking at one point or another.
What is my purpose?
When I first found the self-development word, I felt like I was broken. I embarked on a multi-year quest to ‘bettering’ myself; changing the parts I didn’t like, erasing the things I found shameful, and hopefully transforming into the ‘best’ version of me.
It felt good for a while… until it didn’t. Until I started to feel completely and utterly exhausted from always trying to change. I began to feel that in the constant striving for more, I was missing out on what was already here. As I worked so hard to constantly transform, I forgot to see the me that was right in front of me, and love her just as she was.
Now that I’m older, my perspective around ‘self-help’ has greatly changed. I can see the purpose of working on oneself is NOT to change into a different person at all.
It’s actually quite the opposite.
Instead, I believe true self-growth isn’t altering who we really are, but instead discovering all the things we aren’t - and learning to shed them entirely. We’re born into this world whole and complete. But as we grow, our beliefs are greatly shaped by the messages we receive from society. Many of them not being true for us at all. We begin to loose our true essence, and forget who we really are.
When we become quiet, we begin to hear our internal voice speak. This voice tells us what is true for us, and what isn’t. Sometimes these messages come through as “gut” feelings or physical sensations in the body. Does this feel good? Does this feel bad? Other times, it’s simply a knowing inside the mind. By disconnecting from the information constantly being pushed at us, we learn to access this voice. And true self-embodiment begins. It’s a journey of coming home to oneself, and becoming MORE of ourself. Not less.
This is exactly how I feel about purpose.
If we’re trying to “find” our purpose in the world, we’re essentially looking outside of ourself for something to attach our meaning of purpose to. Likely a job title or career. More than ever, there is SO much pressure to make your job, your purpose. And for some people, it comes easy. Their purpose is clear, and aligns with society’s version of purpose. They’re able to do work in the world that feels like their life purpose - and that’s beautiful.
But.
Many of us struggle to find our sole purpose in a certain job. And I think the pressure to do so can be harmful. Because I believe that purpose is going to look vastly different for everyone. While someone’s purpose might be found in career, another’s might simply be an energy, a way of being in the world, an essence that can be infused into everything they do.
Just like many of our core beliefs are programmed from society, we too can begin to believe that we have to make our work out life’s purpose. And in doing so, this can push us farther away from our true purpose entirely.
I believe we can all live purposeful and aligned lives, without having to create a career out of it. It’s wonderful if you do, but it doesn’t HAVE to be that way. You are no less on purpose if you find this meaning in different ways.
Maybe what feels purposeful to you is raising children, making art on the weekends, tending to the land, or being a kind human being to all those you meet. Maybe your purpose is to love, and share that love with others. Maybe it’s to travel the world. Maybe it’s volunteering for an organization close to heart. Maybe it’s bringing beauty to the world in many different ways. Maybe it’s simply living this human experience to the fullest version for you.
In order to find our purpose, we have to get quiet. We have to tune out all the ‘shoulds’ society tells us to do, and really just spend some time with ourself, without distractions. The books, courses, and quizzes can be insightful at times, but I truly believe we are our own greatest teacher, and everything we need to know is already within us. No one will ever know us better than we know ourself. And no one can tell us what’s true for us.
We are ever changing human beings. Tying our purpose to one career over a life-time is likely unrealistic for many. As multi-faceted, multi-passionate people, we may likely have many different purposes during our time on earth. Different purposes at different life stages: I like how freeing that feels.
Each new chapter brings new possibilities. It’s okay to change, let go, and start again. Your purpose can be found in an infinite number of things - and you get to decide what feels right for yourself.
I appreciate that you mentioned getting burdened down with self-help and constantly trying to change/improve. It's so important to really listen to ourselves as you said, and not just try to fit into a box.