I’m not feeling my best right now. My body doesn’t feel the most vibrant, confident, energized, or radiant. My health isn’t at it’s peak. My social life isn’t thriving. My business hasn’t made any significant advances this year. This isn’t to say I’m not doing well, because although I’ve been in better spots before, I’ve also seen much worse. Right now, I’m somewhere in the middle - which is a place that feels particularly uncomfortable in a culture that values extremes.
When we’re at our best, we’re celebrated. When we’re at our worst, we’re pitied. We cheer on the ones who shine, and bend down to support those who suffer most. Where does that leave the ones in the middle? Those of us who aren’t fully struggling, but also not fully thriving?
Even as I write this, I’m noticing feelings of shame, embarrassment, and imposture syndrome for admitting to these emotions. My life isn’t “bad” at all, and in many aspects, feels so incredibly good. There’s nothing inherently wrong. I might not feel the best in my body, but I also don’t feel terrible. My health might not be at it’s peak, but I’m also not unwell. My social life might not be the biggest, but I have many wonderful friendships. My business might not be exploding, but I’m still happy with where things have landed.
It feels uncomfortable to say we’re not at our best, because we’ve been conditioned to act as though everything is wonderful, all the time. It takes vulnerability to admit when it isn’t, which is a state of exposure not many enjoy. But I think vulnerability is the key to connection, both with others and within ourselves. When we can speak our truth without sugar coating, and simply say what is, we open a doorway to allow people in. A doorway that leads to understanding, and an opportunity to feel seen, heard, and acknowledged. A vital human need.
When we say the hard things, and share our most vulnerable or shameful struggles, we realize that we’re not alone in our experience. For every unique challenge we may be facing, there’s an entire community of others also facing this same hardship, every single day. But before we share the hard thing with others, we have to admit how we really feel to ourself, first. We cannot move through any sort of challenge that hasn’t been fully acknowledged within.
How often do you suppress uncomfortable emotions, without examining them first?
How often do you ignore how you’re really feeling, in fear of the truth?
How often do you pretend everything’s okay, to others and yourself?
Being honest with ourself about how we really feel allows for change to occur. It makes this internal shift possible. But self-honesty also inspires something beautiful to happen within: a sort of acceptance and making peace with what is. They say “feel it to heal it”, and I think that really rings true. When we simply allow ourselves to not be our best, the internal struggle stops. We can sit in the emotions, making space to honour and hold them, and not try to force or change our current experience in any way.
This might feel counter-intuitive, because we’re taught to fear discomfort. To run away from unpleasant emotions. To never allow ourselves to be anything but excellent. There’s this notion that if we make room for what’s “bad”, we’ll be swallowed by this darkness forever. In reality, suppressing how we really feel only prolongs the experience.
We have to feel it to heal it.
We have to feel it to heal it.
We have to feel it to heal it.
I can see this now. The beauty in allowing space for all of it. The peace that comes with accepting what is. I’m choosing to tenderly hold this period of my life with nothing but love for myself. I’m choosing to let go of any judgements around how I may feel, and instead welcome these emotions with open arms. I’m choosing to release the self-inflicted pressure to always feel my best, because I trust that my “best self” will come back again. When she’s ready, in her own perfect timing.
Today, I’d like to offer a sort of permission to anyone who isn’t feeling there best. You’re allowed to feel exactly as you are. You are not broken or damaged. You’re allowed to not always be your best. You are not any less of a person for it. This experience won’t last forever, and the light will naturally come back again. Just like darkness needs light, and sunshine needs rain, we cannot have periods of feeling our best without chapters where we simply don’t. And that’s okay.
The human experience is a cyclical, ebbing and flowing, ever-changing journey, and it’s unrealistic, unhealthy, and even dangerous to expect ourselves to be our ‘best self’ all the time. Life welcomes the full spectrum of emotions, and we should, too.
From my heart to yours, thank you for reading Hannah’s Haus. If you feel connected to my work, please let me know by tapping the heart to like the post, commenting with your thoughts below, and sharing this post with someone else who might enjoy it.
Hi Hannah, Thank you for your authenticity. I love every of your word here. I think we should normalize that not always we feel our best and it is ok. And we should share these feelings with others. It is very healing for ourselves and for those who listen or read.
Loved reading this x