Happy September!
I’m sitting here in my little office overlooking our garden. It’s morning time, and I can hear a nearby squirrel squealing excitedly. I think he senses fall is coming, and is hurriedly preparing his winter stash. The birds are lively this morning, too; flitting from branch to branch, calling out to each other in musical notes.
I can see the forest off in the distance, and the first signs of Autumn are visible amongst the trees. The alder is looking a little parched, and the maple is dropping it’s first leaves. It’s a beautiful sunny morning, but there is a definite cool, crispness in the air. I’m sipping a warm cup of cacao as I write this, and wondering if it’s time to put on a sweater.
As the final weeks of Summer come to an end, it’s the perfect time to do a little check-in, with myself and with you. I think seasonal transitions are an important time in our lives, whether we realize it or not. Human beings are more connected with nature than we know - and as the seasons shift, there’s an internal shift within us, too.
For this September check-in, I’d like to share four things: How I am, what I’m grateful for, what it’s time to let go of, and where I want to channel my energy for this new season.
How am I, right now?
What a simple, but deep question. How am I?
How often do we sit down, and ask this to ourself? Or, how often does someone else look us in the eyes, and ask? More importantly, do we answer truthfully? It’s all too easy to respond without really thinking about it. The answer is on auto pilot. “I’m good! How are you?” But how often do we say these words before checking inside first? How often are they actually true?
To answer this question, I’m taking a moments pause to really reflect. How am I?
Generally, this year has been one of the most beautiful years of my life. There have been countless moments of joy, gratitude, and peace. I credit this greatly to slowing down, putting less mental weight on success or productivity, and instead prioritizing the things and people I love most.
But, that doesn’t mean there hasn’t also been darkness within the light. The last month has been particularity challenging - triggering periods of anxiety and big, turbulent emotions. A looming fear of change, questioning everything, and feeling unclear about the path forward.
But I’m moving through it, and I have faith that the other side is near. A lot of the fear I’ve been feeling is related to future events. I’m continuously placing myself in situations that haven’t even happened yet, and worrying about them like they have. My husband shared this quote with me a little while back, and it’s become a sort of Mantra lately.
“Don’t let your fear of the future take away your joy of today.”
I’m clutching this quote close my heart, and coming back to it again and again.
What I’m grateful for
It’s the simple things in life for me right now. Putting on soft music while making dinner. Sharing a beautiful meal with friends. Taking our kitty, Moon, out for walks amongst the evergreen trees. Enjoying a glass of wine with my husband. Swimming in the healing ocean almost daily. Lighting candles and incense, just because. Talking on the phone with my girlfriends. Reading Harry Potter in bed. Picking sweetly scented flowers from my garden. Star gazing on the deck at night. These little moments really are the big moments. These are the things I will treasure forever.
What it’s time to let go of
Something that’s been making me anxious lately is my phone. Particularly, spending too much time on it. After I stopped doing social media as my full-time job, I set very healthy boundaries around screen time. There would be days where I didn’t even touch my phone. It felt really balanced. I no longer had the urges to open up apps or check emails 15 times a day.
But over the past couple of months, these boundaries have definitely slipped. What started with checking social media once a week, has now become a multiple-times-a-day occurrence. The worst part is, when I finally wake up from the scrolling trance, this horrible feeling arises inside me. I feel guilty and angry for wasting time, anxious the day is passing away, and frustrated that I could have used this time for so many better things. Things that would actually make me feel GOOD.
To top it all off, I’m usually left with some level of comparison or FOMO. Suddenly, I don’t feel as good about myself or my life. It’s funny how social media does that: it can take us from a state of contentment, presence, and joy, to discontentment, anxiety, and jealousy in a matter of minutes.
After an unconscious scroll, my body also feels disorientated. Confused, almost. Because my mind was somewhere else, completely gone from the present moment. But my body was still here, not understanding where my mind went. Does this make sense?! Do you feel it too? No matter how “normal” technology may be now, I don’t think our body will ever understand it. We’re simply not wired this way.
My initial reaction is always to by hard on myself. Why did I let that happen? How did I get to this place? Why don’t I have more restraint?! But then, I take a step back and remember that phones are WIRED for addiction. There are dozens of factors at play we don’t even realize, all working synchronistically together to light up various parts of the brain, trigger endorphins, and create the most addictive setting possible.
It’s not a matter of willpower. Because the truth is, these apps will suck the most self-disciplined people in IF we let them. I think the key is stopping ourself before it’s too late. For me, this is going to look like setting a boundary around touching my phone. Literally putting it away in another room after dinner, and not picking it up again until I’ve had a connected, present morning. These are little habits I used to practice, and they really do work.
If this resonates, then perhaps you feel inspired to set some similar boundaries, too. If something doesn't feel good, we have the power to change it. Let’s not be hard on ourselves about past habits. Each day is a brand new chance to start again, shift our life, and do things differently.
Where I want to channel my energy this Autumn
This Autumn, my word is Presence.
It’s really been the theme of my life lately, and something I want to sink even deeper into with this new season.
For me, presence looks like truly being here, in this moment, as much as possible.
Remaining in my body instead of checking out. Being present with all my senses. When I’m eating, being fully with my food. When I’m walking, being fully with my surroundings. When I’m in conversation, being fully with the other person.
The key here is BEING. Even during the small, mundane tasks like laundry or dishes: I want to remain as present as possible in these moments. And when future worries come into my mind; I want to notice them, breathe deeply, acknowledge them, and let them go - then come back to the present.
My overarching theme throughout all of these questions is presence. I think it’s the secret to living a joyful, satisfying, and full life.
I hope this check-in inspires you to take a pause in your own life and check-in with yourself. I invite you to take a little time over these next couple of weeks, as we head into the Autumn Equinox, and ask yourself the questions above.
And if you feel called to share your self-check in with others, feel free to write your answers in the comment section below. <3
Thank you so much for reading Hannah’s Haus. If you feel connected with my work, please let me know by tapping the heart to like the post, commenting with your thoughts below, and sharing the post with someone who might enjoy it.